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Yesterday night before I fell asleep, I asked myself what and where was I before I was born, and where and what will I be when I leave? Will I be born again with another memory? Will I know that I was once alive? Any questions where left unanswered as I dreamt on.
It was afternoon when I woke up and I had to go to school. Two hours and I'm done.
Then it was home. I knew I had to go to my grandpa's funeral. And I went.
I could not remember how my grandpa looked like, and I have never gone to a funeral on a kin. It was like going to a foreign place, meeting a foreign man. When I stepped in the place, I first greeted the relatives I knew, then I had to change into a white tee, and had to clip something to the left of my shirt. My one was special as they told me, it signified that I was the eldest and I was to make major decisions next time. I totally had no idea.
Then I went in to see my grandpa for the last time. There he lied in the coffin, so peacefully. Then I was introduced to many of relatives that I saw for the first time. So many, so unfarmiliar.
Alone I sat over at a corner, as an observant, I saw faces that I knew I was going to see only in this part of my life and never again. I knew some were just here to show their faces, and leave, just to show good impression. A lonely man I sat, asking myself questions one after another. Do relatives only gather in these kinds of occasions? Is relative just a tag to make us bond together? If a relative did something wrong, it's far worse then a stranger that commited a crime. If a relative was someone you didn't know, what difference does it make? On some tables, there was alot of laughthers and smiles, I don't know and didn't want to know who they are, but I was asking myself, was there a need to be so happy at a funeral. Although it's not an event of all tears and cries, but did they rememeber the feelings of the siblings that were there?
Was I too sensitive ~ Then after I occupied myself with mahjong on my handphone, and I won the computer over like, TOTALLY! I learnt the names and terms of playing proper mahjong already, so I won't be so blur next time~
Still I didn't forget the position I was in. Tml I was to go again. But I had to teach tution, so I told my mom I wasn't going. But I knew tution could be pushed away, but this things are kind of once in a man's life. Something in my heart pulled me back. Was it the atmosphere? Was it the travelling ling time?
Some questions are to be left unanswered.